The Importance of Friendship, the Foundation of Health and Wellness

You’re willing to run the 5K with only a few days’ notice. You sign up to go RX at the gym throwdown when you’re not sure you’re ready. You choose the 30″ box jumps even though the last time you did, you ended up on your ass in the middle of the metcon. But do you have the guts to call that friend you lost touch with last year? Can you swallow your pride, apologize for letting it happen, and put time on the calendar to make up for it? You might not call that courage, but we do. This content is available exclusively to Members Become an member and start enjoying full access to all our community and sports content, and an ad-free experience. PROMO Exclusive content Ad-Free web/app experience Comments on articles Exclusive 15% WIT discount $1 per month for the first 4 months, $8 each month after Get Started for $1 Exclusive content Ad-Free web/app experience Comments on articles Exclusive private Facebook Group Regular coffee breaks hang outs Exclusive 15% WIT discount Get Started $5/month billed annually Already a member? Log In. Courage because there’s nothing easy about maintaining friendships. There’s always something else that feels more important, and plenty that feels more urgent. There’s work to do, kids to pick up, and so much Netflix. Plus, people are tough. They say things that don’t make sense and act in counterproductive ways. They have opinions you disagree with and keep suggesting more stuff on Netflix that you absolutely have to watch. We call it courage because culture has stacked itself against friendship. So much technology that claims to connect you but does little more than distract you. So much emphasis on productivity and politics, which are both other people’s priorities masquerading as important. We call it courage because that’s the word to describe something hard to do and worth it. And just like being brave enough to sign up for that race or to challenge ourselves in the gym, doing the work to prioritize friendship and connection is one of the most powerful ways we can play offense in the game of health. Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and co-author of “The Good Life,” makes it clear: “Through all the years of studying these lives, one crucial factor stands out for the consistency and power of its ties to physical health, mental health, and longevity. Contrary to what many people might think, it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don’t get us wrong; these things matter (a lot). But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships.” You do all these difficult things in the name of health. You sprint, lift heavy weights, and do your best to tolerate broccoli. But at the same time, you excuse away your lack of solid friendships. You tell yourself you’ll get to them later–when there’s more time or less work. But if you’re serious about health, you must be honest about the courage you need to bring to your relationships. Courage to go first, to try again, to be uncomfortable. Courage to offer grace, patience, and vulnerability. Courage to do the slow, unproductive, difficult work of showing up for someone else. Simply put, we need each other. To think anything less–to act any different–is to steal from yourself the health and happiness you say you’re working so hard for. As with physical fitness, reps and intention and effort are crucial to improving social fitness. Here’s a five-step plan to get you moving: Make a 5-person list. Note your dearest friendships, past and present, then classify each as energy-giving or energy-draining. Brainstorm an activity. For those that lift you up (and who you’d like to see more often), think of something you would like to do together. It could be as simple as a video chat or as in-depth as a multi-day trip. Extend the courageous invitation. Call or text your friend, tell them you’re thinking of them, and invite them to your intended event. Persist. “No” today is not “no” forever. Treat rejection as temporary and circumstantial, and commit to asking again. Follow through. When the day arrives, let nothing stand in your way. While weather, mundane to-do’s, and work demands may attempt to derail your efforts, recognize these obstacles for what they are — an opportunity to show the universe your friendships are more important than such common inconveniences. Patrick Cummings and Jon Gilson are co-hosts of the Optimal Agency podcast, a project dedicated to helping you get ownership of your life by improving your health, wealth, and time freedom. Before that, they started Again Faster Equipment together in 2006.

The Importance of Friendship, the Foundation of Health and Wellness

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